Dan's New Look

Dan's trying a new style. The new clothes seem to be tied with the ipod dock/boombox for best Xmas present.

Weighty Matters

I've been slowly, steadily gaining weight since I opened the store. That coincided with me being happy with my body and allowing myself to partake of the occasional treat. Which lead to my falling off the low carb wagon with an earth shattering thud. (Whenever I had a crop in the store (which was every weekend), there were cookies, and brownies,C and M&Ms, and sometimes cheesecake filling, etc, etc). Then I was in Minnesota and I stuffed my feelings with food. Then I was in California doing the same. I have good intentions, but it doesn't translate to action.

And now I'm over 200 pounds (my previous high was 180 or so). I've never been this big (and I'm only 5'4") - I just had to buy a new coat; I can't zip my coat comfortably. I have hardly any jammies that fit comfortably around the waist. My most comfortable jeans are falling apart (one of the rear pockets is unraveling). I've got reflux and B says I'm snoring sometimes. I get winded going up the stairs.

The first picture is from my graduation party in May of '07, I felt like I was rockin' that dress. The second was taken last month when we saw the president.

Bleh

Blair got a job offer today! The money isn't great, but it's close to home. Before this it was looking like he'd have to take a 4 month maternity replacement gig in a town at least 45 minutes away, plus working weekends for a place that is planning on opening a second building in the fall, and might want him full time then. It's a great relief. We're taking a little money out of his 401K to cover COBRA for a few months, and when he's eligible to join their plan, we can switch to a less expensive plan because I'll be done with treatment.

I'm feeling OK. Mom, a sister and I got together Monday and Tuesday to bake cookies. It really tired me out. Tuesday when I met with the doctor, she said that it's right about the time I should be feeling fatigue from the radiation (speaking of radiation, did you guys hear they want to open up Chernobyl to tourists, how crazy is that?) and that it would get worse before it got better (in maybe a month or so.) I'm starting to get some skin irritation too, and need to be more rigorous about using the cream she prescribed (and doing it more often).

Although it was worrisome (to say the least) to have Blair unemployed, I've been glad to have him with me during the day. He drives me to treatment every day (it's nice to have company). I'm out and about more than I was when I was home alone - and I'm sure I'd sleep more and get dressed later too.

Blair's aunt Sybil passed away (his Dad's sister), she was 91. I'm >so< glad Daniel and I visited with her before we left California - we had a nice lunch and went mini golfing. We're going to visit his parents this weekend. I've adored Sybil ever since I first met her after we got engaged. She offered to throw a shower for me (and invite his parents' friends) and it was lovely. She also adored my husband which was a very large point in her favor. :-)

Dan never told us what he wanted for Christmas, so we went ahead and got a few things for him. He's thinking of changing his look a little and so we got him a couple of henley shirts and a vest (he saw a guy on TV wearing that and liked it). I finished up my shopping tonight on Amazon - I was even able to buy itunes gift cards there! Little teachers' gifts and something for the boys to give Blair.

Dan's almost caught up with the English work. His teacher has been so understanding and willing to work with him. He was missing a couple of assignments - he'd had trouble understanding what to do and was too shy or afraid to ask her.

Blair was really down on himself after he lost his job, and his usual sunny personality is returning. I'm glad to have my usual hubby back.

Sister Study

When I received the diagnosis, it made me glad I'm participating in the Sister Study. They took dust samples from my house, tons of blood (they did the genetic test but didn't tell me the results), and a pretty thorough family history when I enrolled. I figure my sis and I probably have some genetic thing they haven't discovered yet. I hope my stuff helps them.

Then again it could be environmental. The house we lived in from 3rd grade until I was in college was built on a former apple orchard - pesticides maybe?

Radiation Update

The fatigue is no worse than before I started the radiation, when it was stress that was tiring me out. The last couple of nights I've slept poorly (and I had to wake up early to go to the Survivor's Breakfast yesterday morning).

I've been having my "packing dreams" again. The set up varies but there's always a bunch of stuff that needs to be packed, cleaned up, organized or otherwise dealt with, and whenever I think I'm done, I turn around and there's more stuff. Last night I was packing up my belongings at the end of a cruise and apparently I had rooms all over the ship (for which I was having trouble finding the keys.)

Yesterday afternoon was the second day in a row that I went into Daniel's room to check on his homework progress and he was asleep. Later I checked on him again and he got weepy, telling me that he was feeling overwhelmed. I asked if he was depressed and he said probably. I asked if he wanted to talk to someone (and I'm meeting with the gal who arranges services at the cancer center about meeting with a therapist myself), he said he wanted to. He's got a lot of stressors right now, with the change from his cozy magnet school, and the upheaval from changing schools and then changing some classes, plus my illness under it all. Even though on an intellectual level, we all believe I'll be fine, our subconciouses are probably sitting in a corner trembling and crying.

Coming down the hall to hang with us in the family room while he worked helped. He spoke with the teacher today at lunchtime, he's OK to finish the spark notes tonight and meet with the teacher tomorrow at lunch with his questions about the essay, and then he'll have the weeked to finish it. He came home in a really good mood and feels more in control of his schoolwork.

The yoga teacher knew something was off with me today, and pretty soon it was all pouring out of me. You know, if something happens to me, Blair will be OK, he's a grown up and he can take care of himself - but I worry about my boys. They both love me so much.  And Alex doesn't have a father he can turn to - he and Blair care for each other, but it's not the same as having had a father who's been involved his whole life. My poor babies.

Silly Dog

Dumbledore is growling and grousing and complaining because there's another dog on the TV. But the TV is off - it's his own reflection.

The nerve, the utter unmitigated gall of that other dog...

Indignity

I've decided that we have to go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans this year, because I can now take my top off in front of anyone without flinching.

Loooooving My Nook

I'm really enjoying my nook. Whenever I'm reading, Blair looks over and sarcastically apologizes for getting me such a sucky present. It's actually in his top 3 or 4 - with the Star Trek lunch box and the BE-MEUP license plate. I get pleasure out of it every day.

One of my favorite authors came out with a new book and I >had< to read it in paper form (it's a keeper) - that was weird!

I just found out that Analog and Asimov's magazines are offered by subscription to the nook (and the kindle). I let my subscriptions lapse several years ago - but I'm thinking about them again; so many of the award winning short SF stories get published in those 2 magazines.

Today was a nice day. 


We took Dumble to the vet (he got shots, but he needs steroids for skin inflammation and to have his teeth cleaned and some removed. Maybe they have a payment plan for the teeth cleaning?) 


I had my yoga class at the hospital from 10 to 11 or so (there's chatting afterwards), then I went to my local salon and had a mani-pedi (shimmery dark red - ooh la la) and an eyebrow wax. 


Then there was a presentation back at the hospital (called Look Good ... Feel Better) where I got a goody bag of makeup and stuff and a cookie. 


Then I ran downstairs for my 2pm radiation treatment and was able to move my appointment for the Friday after Thanksgiving to right after yoga so I don't have to make 2 trips to the hospital. 


And now I'm home with all my guys and my puppy.

Today was my second day of radiation and tonight was the BC support group. The gals at the group were very emphatic that I should be slathering on the lotion I was given samples of, especially since I am fair.

Yesterday afternoon, Blair and I were puttering around the house and I started to feel shaky and emotional. It was weird because my conscious mind was not nervous at all. Afterwards I calmed down but felt pretty wrung out. (I fell pretty wrung out most of the time actually).

After my treatment, I chatted a moment with the lady whose appointment is after mine (we recognized each other from yesterday.) She said even when things are going well, and the outlook is good, it will hit you what you're dealing with.

There's job I could have if I were willing to relocate to Chicago right now (assuming I could pass the security clearance). With Blair losing his job, I felt really pressured to take it. I'd been stewing about it for a couple of days, and Blair and I were sitting on the couch together (me computering and he reading), and I started sobbing. I can't go through it again. It was hard enough the first two times (and I had my aunt for the last one). I need my family and they need me. 

Yesterday, Daniel sat next to me for a bit, leaning against my shoulder as we played Bookworm on my ipod together. He told me he was so happy I was home, and I kissed the top of his head. Even if I wasn't sick I don't think I could do it, it sucks the life and energy right out of me and I have nothing to give to my job.

Freshman Forum on Underage Drinking

There was a required meeting at school this evening. Half the kids in the auditorium and half in the gymnasium, and the speakers were going back and forth to speak in both venues. There was a doctor to speak about the physical effects of binge drinking (liver damage, accidents, etc), a cop talking about having to tell parents their kids were dead, a man who had killed his stepbrother while driving drunk, and a mom who had lost her son. The cop also talked about an anonymous tip line (to report parties with alcohol) and calling your folks when you find yourself in a situation and need to get out (and telling the parents not to punish the kid if he calls in that situation).

I went in thinking it would be lame, but it was very affecting. Daniel thought it was a good presentation as well, and we had a nice talk afterward. They've been doing this for 5 years now and they've been surveying the kids about drinking and supposedly these lectures have had a positive effect.

Radiation

My radiation starts next Monday - every day for 6.5 weeks. I'm to expect fatigue and possible redness and or swelling.

It's 3.7 miles and takes about 10 minutes to get there. :-)

This is the same hospital Daniel was born in and my grandmother was a volunteer there for many years and was once their volunteer of the year.

It's a really nice place - the cancer center is very restful and reassuring 

And it turns out that my brother has participated in the Swim Across The Sound (from Port Jefferson on Long Island to Bridgeport) and has swum the whole way a couple of times. The Swim is what paid for the SWIM Center and pays for a lot of the services for patients (like the classes and massages).