Today was my second day of radiation and tonight was the BC support group. The gals at the group were very emphatic that I should be slathering on the lotion I was given samples of, especially since I am fair.
Yesterday afternoon, Blair and I were puttering around the house and I started to feel shaky and emotional. It was weird because my conscious mind was not nervous at all. Afterwards I calmed down but felt pretty wrung out. (I fell pretty wrung out most of the time actually).
After my treatment, I chatted a moment with the lady whose appointment is after mine (we recognized each other from yesterday.) She said even when things are going well, and the outlook is good, it will hit you what you're dealing with.
There's job I could have if I were willing to relocate to Chicago right now (assuming I could pass the security clearance). With Blair losing his job, I felt really pressured to take it. I'd been stewing about it for a couple of days, and Blair and I were sitting on the couch together (me computering and he reading), and I started sobbing. I can't go through it again. It was hard enough the first two times (and I had my aunt for the last one). I need my family and they need me.
Yesterday, Daniel sat next to me for a bit, leaning against my shoulder as we played Bookworm on my ipod together. He told me he was so happy I was home, and I kissed the top of his head. Even if I wasn't sick I don't think I could do it, it sucks the life and energy right out of me and I have nothing to give to my job.
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