Freak Out

So I burned my hand on the oven rack last night (no more pain by this AM, but a small blister, so nothing major) and the next thing I know I'm having a full blown freak out, crying and shaking, right before Blair had to leave for chorus rehearsal. I think I'm most worried about the financial situation - and it's not completely dire, at worst we'd have to put most of our stuff in storage and rent until we figure out where we're going next, which we could swing on Blair's salary and my unemployment. But it felt last night like I was poised at the edge of a deep dark hole.

Blair comforted me and I knew I could have asked him to stay home, but this is his one leisure activity and he needs a break (and it felt nice knowing I could ask him.) By the time he got home, I felt better - I think it helped to let off some steam.

This morning I had a chat with the hospital. I had thought they were billing me because they didn't have the correct insurance info for September. Turns out all the bills were for events in August and they'd already been submitted to the correct insurance, so they were for our share of the bills. Ugh.

I had to run down to Greenwich this afternoon to drop off my films with my surgeon. (It took about an hour each way with traffic). They gave me the lowdown on where and when, and when to stop eating, etc. The upcoming surgery is getting more real.

I had lunch with a friend this afternoon - we ended up chatting for like 2 and a half hours. That was really nice.

I have to be at the hospital at 8AM on Friday for the thing with the dye to find the sentinel nodes. Then I get to wait around until noon or so for the actual surgery, and we'll be going home right afterward. I asked if I could take a xanax that morning, but she said no, but that they'll give me some sort of sedative before the thing with the dye (that's actually bothering me more than the surgery). The whole idea icks me out.

She offered to schedule me tomorrow for the dye thing, but I wanted Blair to be there with me without having to take the time off, so that's why everything is getting done on Friday.

After spending yesterday in my pajamas, and napping a lot, I was out most of the day (between lunch and the drive to Greenwich) so there was no napping today. I was thinking of taking a xanax at bedtime tonight (and tomorrow night too) so I can hopefully sleep well and avoid napping tomorrow. There's a yoga class at the hospital at 10 tomorrow that I want to go to - I've got to stop vegetating on my couch all day.