Blair came home today with the info on the health plans that will be available to him October 1st (we're on COBRA now). He went to ask HR about including Alex when he signs up but it opened up a little can of worms. He'd originally planned to go with the least expensive option, but with my diagnosis, that would end up costing us a bundle. But the next option is so much more expensive, that Blair was talking about needing to go into his 401K to make ends meet. For some reason that hit me right in the gut and I was terrified.
We've lost so much already (closing the store, declaring bankruptcy). We'll only be able to stay in the house as long as the lawyer can hold off the banks. I don't have a job; I don't have the intestinal fortitude to work full time in another state and undergo treatment away from my family; and my income earning potential is small here in CT. And Blair's 401k isn't bottomless. And it occurred to me the other day that I can't put off a will any longer - and I need to think about advanced directives (ulp).
A group of friends were talking about what kinds of invalids we are. I tend to keep going to work when I'm sick until I can't take it any more (probably too long). But when I finally allow myself to take off, I like to get set up on the couch with all the remotes and phones close to hand, cuddly blankets and comfort food, books and the dog. I tend to feel sorry for myself, and I'm a bit of a whiner sometimes. Most of all, I hate hate hate throwing up. It's absolutely the worst. I'm really afraid of chemo in that respect.
And my surgeon just called and they want to do an MRI guided biopsy on the left on Friday
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